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21 August 2005 @ 02:40 am
On the subject of Duality  
Below this rant, you'll find the quiz that spawned it. It was a personality quiz to match you to a character from the Buffy television series. Ali-sama took it, and so I did. (Because, you know, I do everything my friends do. Heh.)

Do you ever take these quizes and wish you could choose both answers? These aren't your standard PQ's, they're the 'Four Variables' varieties, that base answers into a point system that then rates you in these variables. Each question generally only has two answers. I do not deny that in many cases, tests created by skilled individuals are highly accurate. I'm not even saying that this one isn't one of those. My point is: I want both answers.

From my Amber v. Lena debate, you might have noticed that I have a duality in my personality. An 'ambiguousness' might even be a better description. Two equally strong, but opposite, reactions. To nearly everything. This is why I often have a worse opinion of myself than others - I hear my other answer and they don't. What often decides my course of action is not 'right or wrong,' but the visability of my response.

Example: If I say X, will person A still look at me the way she does?

There are some people who negate my ability to choose by their presence. I end up giving both responses to any situation, often sounding as though I changed my mind. In other circumstances I feel confident enough in my position to do or say the 'noble' thing, or arrogant enough in my seclusion to let the violence free.

I wouldn't consider this a breed of insanity. Or maybe I do - wheee, split personalities. In truth, I started this thread in my head seven hours ago, and now I've got the ending paragraph and this beautiful beginning, but I lost all of my 'proof' stages somewhere between Gen's and here. Damnable. For amusement's sake, the ending was something along the lines of, "I often think I'm being two people, and we're going to pull me apart any day. I can't imagine actually being crazy - losing control to either side would be disastrous to my proscribed life."

Maybe someday I'll recall the middle? Meh.

On a few semi-related notes:

I don't find myself to be that moral, but I have no problem with the passion score - I'm observational by nature.

Spirituality? I guess my motivations are largely ruled by a sorta-divine idea that may or may not be a goddess which I could possibly adore and serve, but never worship. I think the selflessness score should also be a lot lower. Especially for choosing my loved one over the ten strangers; I'm a fan of the "Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one" principle. It's noble, sometimes lovely. But I know I'd never give up a love for, potentially, even hundreds of others' lives.

And lastly, for anyone who's watched the show:
Who's Tara? What's the window comment mean?

Tara Maclay
45% amorality, 45% passion, 81% spirituality, 63% selflessness
What a woman! (Or man, as it may be...) Tara is a moral, centered, spiritual and selfless person... rather, I suspect, like you. People like this make those around them love them; Congratulations! (and stay away from windows, just in case)

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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You scored higher than 99% on morality

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You scored higher than 99% on repose

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You scored higher than 99% on spirituality

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You scored higher than 99% on selflessness
Link: The 4-Variable Buffy Personality Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Stone Sour - "Idle Hands"