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16 June 2009 @ 08:20 am
Why isn't it November Yet?  
I love NaNoWriMo. I love the rush of the deadline. I love the frantic pace of necessary wordcount, and knowing that I'll never finish my novel within those confines. I love having other people around who are just as desperate about it as me. Like Kassie, who doesn't get to show up so often, but who's quiet constant typing keeps me on track. Or Mel, whose excellent critiques always make me feel okay again with sharing. (I am a stereotypical introvert who, upon discovering how much it meant to me to be encouraged by others, is trying to extrovertedly (so not a word) support the others. Sharing freaks me out, but I do it, and force myself to do it as calmly as possible, to show other people that it's okay). And Bobbie, who is always up for random writing and who's quiet typing I find really soothing.

And Keri's just so energetic! Or Rebekah and Kim who are fonts of knowledge in areas I'll probably never tap (though we're losing Kim this year). The whole group is just really great, especially when we get those word wars going. Nothing like the furious typing of a half dozen or so people trying to get the most words while still being sensible.

And I want it to be bloody November so it can start again. We've been meeting semi-weekly since March or so, and it's been freaking awesome. I still haven't managed to find us a consistent location, partly due to a total lack of car during the day and partly due to being crazy busy in the evenings. You might think being unemployed would give you more time, but it's a lie. Especially since I do try to spend at least six hours a day writing, or researching my writing. Can't synth info into a story if I don't have it, after all.

I wish I had money for school.

Ah, Nat wordcount update:

Novel: Blood & Iron: Beast
Daily WC: 1486 (so far)
Total WC: 4239

Yep, I'm back to working on the Beings story. And once more, I've decided that Katie really needs to be first.

I got stuck on Ooze - I lost the sense of Hunter. What I need to do with it is reread everything and pick my pace back up. But that's 90,000+ words, and I'm bloody lazy. No, really it's that I think it needs to simmer a bit. I started floundering after the side-trip through the desert plot, managed to keep mostly on track through the Hunter in a Cage plot, and then it just fell apart when I got to the need-to-develop-their-relationship plot. So it goes on the back burner. I'll whip it out in August or something and try again.

So then I thought I'd edit The Arther House. And that was going really well. I know what I want to fix, and how I want the story to flow. I've got a much better sense of the supporting characters, and I've totally altered Sofie. She's utter creepy little girl now. Then I realized that Archi sounded like a clinical bitch, and that just isn't her. So we mutually agreed to take some time off and try again after I finished another novel.

Which led me to think that since Archi was written in 1st person POV, I should switch to a 3rd person. So I sidestepped Elsie (whose eloquence I find soothing, but is so 1st person material I'd never think of changing it) and picked up Jenny (Wolfling). I reread, I mused, I outlined, I found an awesome blueprint I'd done of Serena's house. And I realized that I have no goddamn clue what to do with her. That first plotline is really, heavily, a romance. And it's early summer and I am *so* not feeling romantic.

I kept poking at it, though, hoping it would come together. I begged my dear Genesis to give me her opinion on a few things, one of which included the racy 1st make-out scene between Jenny and Connor that I had actually written 1st-person POV. She pointed out that even the 3rd person stuff I'd written read like a 1st-person POV talking in the 3rd. (She's so awesome at everything - editing, critiquing, advice, writing. One day she'll be famous and I'll fight her sister for the right to biggest fan.)

So I went back to what really threw me off of The Arthur House. I want my stories to whisper something to you. Not something loud, no overt strings leading to puppet masters. No shouts, not even direct conversation. I just want you to think when you read it, and for that it has to be focused. The Arthur House is about true faith. About how it's non-denominational and pan-religious and even totally secular. And about what you'll do when you really believe.

Ooze is my political commentary. The battle against a force that can't be bought because it just wants your destruction, and about a government more interested in money than people, and about living while you're fighting to survive. Cause you can't just halt your life until you find time. There isn't going to be time. This is it, this is what you've got, and it drives me bonkers how many people refuse to see that.

Wolfling is a part of the same world as Beings. Along with Faerie, they make up the New Magi Origins triumvirate, the force that brings magick back to the world. The Faerie epic is about love that's bigger than one person and some really freaking difficult to describe concepts, and it's so precious to me that I'm afraid to mess it up. Beings is about deciding to act even if you're all alone, to stand for what you believe even when you know that you aren't going to be enough to make a difference, trusting enough other people to stand up all alone that it'll be okay.

Wolfling's supposed to be about self-sacrifice.

I'm just not feeling that self-sacrificial these days.

I'll be there again, of this I have no doubt. It's like a cycle. I just have to wait for it to come around on the guitar. But right here, right now, I am all about the standing up for what you believe. I've been all super-philosophy since I woke up Jan 1st and went, "Sweet, bloody, goddess - maybe Morrowind is right!" (Morrowind is a Fae Duke and... well, it's complicated. He's a character of mine.) He said, "The one great joy of our kind in this modern age is that - aside from being thought costumed freaks or ridiculed - we have no need for disguise. We have no need to be secretive for safety. No one believes in fairies anymore." Which is much the same as the, "You weren't looking anyway," argument. I've been slowly coming out of the fog of Paul's death, and it was only just on the 1st that I realized I'm legally an adult. It doesn't matter what I say or do or think or feel at people. As long as I'm functional and don't go around killing people, no one can do anything to me. I can't be institutionalized. I don't have to hide anymore - no one believes in fairies anymore. And I've been doing no hiding since January. Very liberating.

So in general, I'm far more with the standing up and trusting others to do so. More still, Katie's part of the epic in particular is about coming out of weakness and out of a dark place into determination and power, and bringing others along with her. Philosophically, I'm really right there, as well. The chronologically first Beings story is a commentary on Christianity, also fairly dear a topic to me right now.

But I threw Katie up on the screen and she just started talking. I've always tried to write her story 3rd person, and I've always gotten stuck. So now I've gone 1st person (I know, I was trying to stay away, but it's like a drug). Come along for the ride - lets see how it goes.

(And goodness but this is long. And imagine how many times during all of that I was going, "I'm not giving away too much, am I? None of those myriads of no-persons who never read this anyway can steal my thought-product, can they?" Oh, Paranoia. You don't mean that aren't out to get me. You just mean I'm prepared for when they are.)
Current Location: Eric
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: "Accidents Can Happen" by Sixx A.M.